You can't always get what you want

That's how life works. That's how AllAH created this world. That's how we should live on with. That's how my life works. Alhamdulillah, thank HIM for this give cause I don't know if anything that I want really good for me or not. As people always say that what we get is what we deserve. But what we didn't get is something that doesn't meant for us. Even though sometimes I just feel really down cause what I want, I didn't got it.

There's been a few things in my life that I want but I cannot get my hand on them. This is probably because they wasn't meant for to get them. It wasn't destined for me to hold them. At that time I think that HE already abandoned me (nauzubilllah min zalik). But I know I really know what happened back then. It wasn't the fact that HE had abandoned me. But it's actually something for me to ponder upon. Something to tell me that not everything that I want will be mine.

I don't why lately I'm so into the blues. Probably this is what the psychiatrist call compasation. Because I had lost a few things that I really fell the lost. Then it turn me into something that what I'm not. That's what people called LIFE. Ever since the first time I meet people, I had this kind of feeling. A feeling that I cannot explain. Something that is beyond my knowledge. It's something that keeps this body running. Something that keeps my blood flowing trough the arteries and veins all over my bodies which functioning to oxygenate my cells.

Enough of those stories. Now lets talk about something else. About the person I like the most. Till this moment, I don't really know who is the person that I like the most (after my father and mother la). Well probablu because it's not time yet. I don't why every time I meet new people I kind of forgot about the people I used to know. Sometimes I feel really bad about it. But most of the times I enjoy. I keep telling my self to stop from what I'm doing. I do thing about how others feel. Because I feel it too. I just wish that I had something inside me to prevent my self from destroying them. If I can't, I hope that someone will be able to stop it.

I really hope so. Before it's too chronic or even worsen. I really hope. I do pray to HIM. Maybe it's not time yet. Probably this feeling just because I see other people they had it and I want it too. It's just a common thing for an ordinary people like me to have this feeling. After all, I'm not a perfect person. There's not perfect person in this world. But we still can try to be perfect even it it mean that we had to look weird in front of others.

After all I've wrote, I still don't understand about life. It's just too complicated. Is it just me, or it really is. So the question is, AM I MYSELF? Still looking for the answers............